Chapter 1

a novel

Matt and James were sitting on the couch at James’ apartment, with an N64 unit playing in front of them on the large TV. James had an apartment on the 4th and highest floor of his apartment building, which was located next to an old car scrap yard. They had a 12 pack of Coors Light bottles and had already finished off two each.

James and Matt knew each other through their job at 7-Eleven together. “Hey, remember when I rubbed my balls on all of those Big Bite hotdogs?” James asked and Matt nodded and said “I remember when that boomer took a bite out of it, I could barely contain my laughter”. They focused on the Goldeneye 64 game on the TV and James picked up a grenade and held it in his hand, rushing next to Matt’s character, and said “We die together Mr Bond” and then it exploded and both characters died in game.

“Damn dude, I really want to bang Maria” Matt said, referring to their hot Mexican co-worker who also worked at 7-Eleven. They had worked up an appetite so they opened up the bag in front of them, containing 6 Big Bite hotdogs which they took from the store since they were leftovers and ate 3 each, washing them down with the cool smoothness of Coors Light beer.

“Time for mushrooms” James said and pulled out a small plastic bag which had 10 tiny mushrooms which had been dried and looked a bit shriveled up. They each took 5 and chewed them and swallowed. Matt stood up and turned off the Goldeneye 64 game and put the 1080 Snowboarding game cartridge in. The familiar music started playing and then James hit Practice mode and controlled the snowboarder to go to the left side down the snow half-pipe. He did a few tricks then did the Stiffy trick, making the character say “STIFFY!” on screen. Matt said “Yea that’s what I get when I think about Maria”. Matt stood up and walked over to the record player and put on a record of Magical Mystery Tour by the Beatles. He sat back down and looked at the TV screen and the colors were getting more vivid and rainbowish. “You seeing this shit too, dawg?” he asked and James nodded. “I think Mario 64 would go good with this” and he put on Super Mario 64.

They finished off the last beer and James said “I got a good idea, grab the beer bottles” and they walked out onto the small balcony that overlooked the car scrap dealer. It was around 1AM at that point and James picked up a bottle and threw it at the car scrapyard and it smashed with a loud glass shattering noise. They both started cackling like madmen and threw the remaining 11 bottles and by the time they were done, the scrapyard was covered in shattered glass. They walked back inside and Matt looked at the fake fireplace mantle and noticed a small heavy glass duck shape paperweight. “I think we should throw that into oncoming traffick” Matt said and James nodded in agreement.

They left and walked out the front door, down the stairs, and got in James car. Matt had the glass duck paper weight in his pocket and James drove onto the freeway, staying to the far side embankment, close to the oncoming traffick on the other side. They saw an 18 wheeler coming up fast and James said “Now!” and Matt threw the glass duck paperweight out the window and it smashed hard into the 18 wheeler’s windshield, with an extremely loud satisfying CRACK and then they turned around and watched as the 18 wheeler jack-knifed and then flipped over on it’s side at 75 miles per hour. The 18 wheeler smashed over the embankment and smashed into 3 other cars, on both sides of the highway, causing all three cars to explode instantly in a huge fireball. “Holy shit!” James shouted and him and Matt started cackling like demons, as James brought the car to a halt. James got off on the service road and drove on the under-ramp, and then was on the service road on the other side, heading back towards the accident.

“Okay, let’s act like we are just concerned citizens, obviously we aren’t going to tell them we caused this huge wreck by throwing that glass heavy paperweight” and they stopped and got out and ran over to the huge wreck. James looked at one of the cars that had smashed into the side-ways flipped 18 wheeler truck and he said that the doors had been smashed shut but there was an adult female and three young children inside, who were pounding on the windows and screaming but could not get out due to the windows being crushed in the wreck as well, with flames building and slowly burning the car. “Oh my god, dude, we just burned a Mexican family alive” James said, laughing, and slapped Matt on the back in merriment.

They watched the woman and children clawing at the doors, desperately trying to escape, when a sudden flash of light and boom, an explosion, caused the car to explode and they watched as the family started screaming in agony, their skin being burned alive by the flames, until the screaming was no more. “Damn son, I could really go for some BBQ right now!” Matt said and James nodded and they got back in their car and drove to the 7-Eleven they worked at. A slightly autistic guy worked the graveyard shift and greeted them. They grabbed a couple of BBQ flavor Big Bite hot dogs and a couple of Coke flavor slurpees and left. Employees get free food so they didn’t have to pay for it. Before they left, the autistic worker named Andy came out and started talking to them.

“Got any drugs for me, bro?” Andy asked Matt and Matt said “I got ya covered” and slapped a small baggie of mushrooms into his palm. “Thanks dude” and Andy walked back in and went behind the counter again. James and Matt drove back to James’ apartment and they went in and sat down at his computer and turned on Everquest. “Jesus Christ this game is addictive, dude” Matt said, while moving through the out lands outside the city and killing enemies to gain XP. “Nothing like this has ever been done before”, James said, adding “This is like a new era in gaming. An entire world online, shared by millions of players”.

They spent the next 4 hours like that, taking turns while they did dungeon runs and raids and raked up a ton of XP points. They polished off a few more beers, a few more mushrooms, and another couple of Big Bite hotdogs over the course of those 4 hours and it was 6AM by the time they got bored of Everquest. “I think it’s time for a little pick-me-up” Matt said and pulled out a bag of white powder. They both snorted two lines each and felt invigorated again. “I wonder what would happen if we took all these beer bottles up to the roof and then threw them down at the cars of the apartment tenants and caused them to smash all over their cars?” Matt asked and James grabbed all the bottles and they went up to the roof and ducked behind a small embankment near the edge. It was winter and so it was still very dark and silent at 6AM. They each grabbed 8 bottles each and Matt said “Now!” and they each threw the bottles very quickly one after another at different cars, smashing them all and even breaking a couple of windshields within a matter of 15 seconds. “Okay back down quick” and Matt and James ran back down to his apartment and closed and locked the door.

They both stood at the window facing the parking lot side and peered through the blinds, as 10 different people came outside and saw the damage that had been done to their cars. They heard people shouting in anger, and one man started thumping his chest like a gorilla and roaring. They put on Turok 2 on the N64 and played through it, rushing through the lush green jungles and stabbing dinosaurs with knives. James nodded off first and Matt kept playing Turok 2 for another 20 minutes before he took passed out and nodded off.