Matt was at his apartment, sitting in his bathroom with a full bath of hot water, playing Snake on his Nokia phone. He got bored pretty quick and drained that bath and put on some boxers and went and sat down at his computer and logged onto AOL Instant Messenger. A hot 18 year old zoomer indian chick named Sneha was online so he messaged her “sup brown slave”. He had met her through some chat room if he remembered correctly. Either way she seemed quite horny for white guys, and Matt had a serious fetish for indian chicks, so both were happy.
Sneha replied with an emoji of a girl batting her eyelids, so while James texted with her on AIM, he also logged onto Final Fantasy 11 and started grinding through a dungeon with some other players. He got a suddenly pop-up notification of someone asking him to join their guild and he typed out “No, and fuck off faggot” and blocked them. Matt never really understood the point of guilds, other than as a cheap gameplay mechanic by the game devs to keep you logged in and grinding. Otherwise guilds took away from the overall community and isolated everyone into small clichés. He alt-tabbed out and texted Sneha with “Send me a picture of your dark chocolate skin” and she replied with a selfie of her face. ‘Christ she is sexy’ Matt thought, in an exotic sort of way. White girls bored Matt, it’s not that he didn’t have success with them, no he had had many white girlfriends during middle school but they were all the same, with the same retarded materialistic personality, all they cared about was dumb TV shows and eating at restaurants like PF Chang’s. Brown girls on the other hand, were interesting, and quite interested in him, as a white boy, and had a natural attitude of being submissive to him. In short, they were eager to please white boys.
Matt opened Netscape Navigator and went to his Myspace page and posted a meme of a skull face with the text “Never fuck with me… I am HIV+”. Another 18 year old zoomer girl Liked his meme pic, this one was named Priyashnee. He had met her at a Viper the Rapper concert. Just then, another indian girl Liked his post, this one was named Shivani and he had met her at an indian restaurant. He had been eating at an indian buffet and she was serving his table, and she slipped her myspace link to him while her father and brother was in the back kitchen arguing with the cooks. Matt alt-tabbed back into Final Fantasy 11, and he noticed that the raid party had wiped. He typed into raid chat “What a joke you idiots are. I go AFK for 30 seconds and you wipe the damn raid. I’m out” and he hit Quit Party and left that shitty raid group forever.
“Fuck, I’m bored” he typed to Shivani in MySpace Chat. “Same” Shivani replied through chat. “Well, let’s meet on Naboo and go find some Jedi to kill” Matt typed and Shivani said okay. He turned on Star Wars Galaxies and logged into his Bounty Hunter character and travelled to Naboo in his ship. At the spaceport, there she was, waiting for him. Matt got out of his ship and Shivani looked so hot, in a Naboo princess style royal dress and hairstyle. She ran up to him and typed /hug. “Okay let’s go” Matt typed in party chat and they wandered off towards the city center, the capital city of Naboo. They went into the cantina and sat down at a table and ordered drinks. A robot waiter brought them Naboo ale and asked if they wanted to buy information. Matt said yes and the CP0 waiter robot told them about a location close by where Sith had been spotted. “That’s the place” Matt typed and him and Shivani got up and started moving towards that location.
Suddenly he got a message saying the game had disconnected and it closed. “Goddamit” he yelled and looked at his modem and the connection light was off. “Goddamn shit American infrastructure, even 3rd world countries have better, faster, and more stable internet than this” Matt muttered, and pressed the button to reset the modem. He re-entered the login and password and the internet reconnected.
No point in trying to get back into the game, he thought, so instead Matt joined an AIM chat room, called “Politics” and started posting. He typed “Only white trash low-IQ idiots join the military anymore, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are a complete scam, the military is nothing but a bunch of paid killers, mercenaries” and hit Send. Almost immediately a bunch of butthurt Marines started replying with fuck you, love it or leave it, you’re a communist, and so on. Matt responded with “Pretty funny how easily triggered you snowflakes get. Sounds to me like the Marines are a bunch of pussies” and one guy typed “I’ll hunt you down and blow you away” and Matt typed “In your dreams, faggot” and left the chat room.
‘Might as well play something offline, singleplayer’ Matt thought and so he turned on Command & Conquer and played through a match. He focused on building up a huge number of small level troops and then zerg rushed the enemy base and just flooded and overwhelmed them. He lost 75% of his troops, that is they got slaughtered and mowed down by machine gun fire but in the end he destroyed the enemy base. He walked over to his fridge and pulled out a Jolt soda and opened it. Jolt soda had been banned by retarded boomer politicians since it had like 3 times the level of caffeine of coffee. Apparently the retarded moralfag boomers didn’t realize that someone could just drink 3 cups of coffee instead. Boomers had been pushing to ban rap music and ban violent video games, in the wake of Columbine. Nevermind that all these school shootings were just fake events using crisis actors. Nevermind that young people were mentally disturbed due to the materialistic, shallow society created by boomers and how boomers ignored and neglected their children. No, let’s just blame music or games instead of taking responsibility for neglecting and abusing their own children. That is one thing Matt really fucking hated about baby boomers- they seemed incapable of self-reflection and taking responsibility for the consequences of their own actions. Well, when the boomers were all being abused by black and Mexican nurses in the retirement homes, maybe then they might have a flash of introspection, and realize that abandoning their children hadn’t been such a bright idea.
Putting those thoughts aside, Matt sat back down at the computer with Jolt soda in hand. The internet seemed stable enough again, so Matt turned on Team Fortress Classic and chose Demo-Man as his class. He stood at the entrance to his base, in the above area and simply rained down grenades at the entrance area and blew away and killed a few of the opposite team players like that. But then something horrible happened. A spy had snuck up behind him and had blasted his head off with a hand gun. Matt lay there dead on the ground and then respawned. He changed classes to Heavy Gunner and walked out onto the 2nd floor sniper area and just started spraying bullets at the enemy sniper positions. They freaked out and ducked for cover. But then his head exploded and his body fell to the ground, dead as a doorknob. A sniper had blown his head clean off of his shoulders, a perfect headshot. “Ah fuck it, enough for today” Matt said, and turned off the game.