Chapter 7

ch 7 novel

James and Maria were sitting at James’ computer in his apartment and Maria went to YouTube and turned on a vaporwave version of Sonic the Hedgehog music. “That’s lit” James said, hearing the beats. Maria was currently leveling up the profession Mining on their shared World of Warcraft toon and was mindlessly running around the highest zone area mining ore deposits. “Know what would be really hilarious?” James asked, and Maria replied “No, what?”. James said “If we picked up a bunch of rocks and went to the busy road outside and threw them at cars” and Maria laughed and agreed. It was 2AM at night, and they had been grinding in WoW for a long time now, so it was time for a break.

They went outside and down the stairs and grabbed a few rocks while they were walking towards the edge of the busy street. They reached the edge and ducked down behind an embankment and waiting. “Okay here it comes” James whispered to Maria, pointing at the motorcycle quickly approaching. Maria stood up and threw a handful of rocks at his direction as he sped by and THUNK- it hit and landed hard. The motorcycle spun out of control and the driver went flying headfirst across the divider and smashed head first into an incoming four-door sedan with a super loud CRACK, and then that sedan spun out and flipped over the median and smashed into an 18 wheeler which then spun out of control and flew through the air going 70 miles an hour, right over James and Maria’s head.

“Holy shit, that is insane!” James exclaimed, and Maria burst out laughing, as they watched the 18 wheeler fly and smash into a McDonalds that was on the edge of the highway. People started screaming and running out of the McDonalds, so James and Maria decided to go check it out, under the guise of being innocent civilians. They entered the broken McDonalds and saw that an adult and a teenager were trapped under the crashed 18 wheeler. They saw that both of them had had the lower half of their bodies cut off by the 18 wheeler crash, and they were both just standing there, pinned to the ground, looking really stupid with a dumb look on their face, as their guts hung out from the bottom of their torso, blood gushing out.

Maria walked up to the adult and whispered in her ear “I did this, I caused this, and now I damn your soul to Hell forever, you demon!” and slapped her. The half-woman looked surprised, and then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she was dead and gone. In the ensuing chaos of the crash, James and Maria jumped over the counter and grabbed 20 or so hamburgers that had already been cooked and put them all in a large bag after boxing them, and they left and walked back to his apartment.

“Man, that was insane” Maria said, and James nodded. “Let’s eat” he said and they ate 5 burgers each. James turned on some vaporwave Zelda 64 music while they ate, and after they finished, they got back on World of Warcraft and started doing quests and getting closer to max level. They were both feeling bored so they signed onto TeamSpeak and greeted the people in their party, and asked where they were all from. One guy said “My name is Jacob and I’m from Tel Aviv”. James said “Sup Jacob. I really loved how you ran over that hippie leftist activist Rachel Corrie with a bulldozer, I mean what an idiot. She was protesting against Israel taking Palestinian land, but the Palestinians are useless subhumans who are braindead. Israel might as well take their land and put it to some use. I also like how Israel has the highest number per capita of vegetarians in the world. That’s really a blessed thing” and Jacob said “Yeah, most of our jewish food can be cooked without meat so it works pretty good.”

“What other online games do you play, Jacob” Maria asked, and Jacob replied “Sometimes I play Diablo 2 and Half Life 2 Deathmatch”. “Oh yea, Diablo 2 is the best, I got a level 85 necro that I run Baal bot runs with, it’s fun to see what random stuff drops” James said into the microphone. Maria focused on the boss fight and bashed the boss with spell after spell, Ice and Fire and Lightning, until finally the boss roared and then fell down to the ground of the dungeon, dead as a doorknob.